Monday, November 26, 2012

Anger Session #1

I promised that I would write about my experience dealing with one of my personal here goes.  I am calling this an Anger Session, but it is really a counselling session. These sessions were done in the summer of 2012.
Before I began, I called the office and asked if I would be wasting the time of the counsellor, since I was just a regular housewife who had angry outbursts once in a while. (I always thought counselling was for people who had bigger problems to deal with).
She answered that most of the individuals they see are just like me, and I would be welcome to come for as little or as long as I felt I needed. I liked that, since there was no set amount of sessions, or no commitment to continue for continuous weeks. I made the first appointment and have been so happy that I had the courage to do so.

I wrote each one like a journal entry.

Anger Session #1

Arriving early, I got to spend a few minutes in the van to gather my thoughts and calmly walk through the door. I was met by the secretary who asked me to fill out some information forms and a self evaluation. I was totally honest in my answers...because I do get irritated, I do argue and I do generally have a very happy life.
The last one was a fill in the blank, basically saying...what would you like to get out of counselling?
I stated: I no longer want to react with anger towards my family.
So, the counsellor greeted me and I followed her a big room. It was much bigger than I thought it would be, but I guess is she counsels families, they all need a comfortable place to sit.
She looked at my scores, and smiled. She was happy that the scores were so low. And she celebrated this with me. Life is good most of the time.
We talked about my past, and she tried to root out any history, what my parents were like (I wish I could have told her more..but my memory is terrible and I hardly remember what I ate today, let alone my childhood), any traumatic events I had (only one that I could report...getting hit by a semitruck)..and then when I most often get angry, at who, and what am I like.
It was a very natural conversation. Like I would chat with a really good friend that I trust would not to talk to anyone else afterwards. Then she would give suggestions of things I could try, books I could read, and generally gave examples of others, and techniques they used that worked.
An hour passed quickly, and I feel good with the power that was given to me. I am in control. This is something I can handle, and I don't need to be angry when my kid won't listen.
I think I missed a crucial part, and should have asked Scott to add his two cents, because his memory is far superior to mine, and he is the one who can see as an outsider what I can really be like. He hit it right on the head when he said, "You expect everyone to do what you say immediately, and if they don't, you get angry."
If I ask Scott for a favor (especially if I am in a bad mood already), I want it done now!
If I ask one of the boys to help, or put on shoes, or put something away, I want it done now!
It is terrible to realize how controlling and awful you can be to others...but the most wonderful thing is I have taken the step to admit I am wrong, and now am working on the solution.
Knowing Christ through this helps tremendously. I understand His atonement a little more now, and feel that working on being a better person helps me to stay closer to Him.

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