In preparation for this session, I started reading Barbara Coloroso's book, KIDS ARE WORTH IT. I was also able to find out a lot more about my childhood during our family reunion. I found out that there was anger in my family. My grandfather had a quick temper, my father did, and my mother said she raised her voice to get us to listen. I suppose being in a family with 8 children there was anger in how we dealt with each other, but I sure don't remember. My mother wondered how I grew up to be so independant, strong and confident...it must be because of my lack of memory.
I will shared these things with Sarah (my counsellor), and got her feeback. It was nice to pinpoint where my anger comes from and be able to discuss what I could do to change it.
Also, my husband had a few things to add...like the fact that I want instant obedience, and often that will lead to my anger outburst...like when I ask my kids to do something, and they don't, a signal goes off, and I blow up...or one of them gets a time out, but refuses to go up the stairs to his room..watch out!
The most wonderful thing is that now I am aware that my actions are inappropriate, and I will do all I can to change them. The last time I sent someone for a time out, I was about to grab him and take him to his room, but I stopped. I did not have to grab him, or raise my voice to have him obey. I was not sure what else to do..since I have not finished reading the book yet...but I knew I could not keep doing the same bad things to get control.
Sarah explained that there is a space of time between stimulus and response. My response time is very short. Once there is a stimulus, there is an immediate response..not time in between for thought of what to do or not to do. This is most likely why I suffer from Foot in the Mouth disease, and too often say things or do things that I regret.
Also, like a farmer ploughing the fields...my brain has been trained to keep ploughing the same line over and over again....anger has been my response when I cannot get control every time, so the new technique I am going to try is: Thought Stop. When there is a situation that makes me angry, I stop the thought and allow some time before my response...hopefully so that I can regain control of myself and respond in a more positive way.
I am also going to do some research through the scriptures on anger, and pray that it will help me change. I know that God wants me to be a better person, and he is right beside me, I just have to stop and ask for help when I need it most.
I am very glad for a supportive, patient, husband who loves me. It is much easier to change when I have him to help me figure things out.