'Pornography is sexually traumatising an entire generation of boys.' Martin Daubne

Experiment that convinced me online porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today: By ex-lads' mag editor MARTIN DAUBNEY

I read this on a facebook post, and had to finish the article. Having three boys myself (and yes...I know it is not just a boy issue)...but something really hit me. I always thought that porn was a issue that we were going to deal with later on...like when the boys are 16...but not so. I found that after reading the article I went directly online to find ways that I could keep them safe as they navigate our online world. I really like what these two sites had to say..and how we do control what happens in our homes.

http://www.ikeepsafe.org/be-a-pro/ethics/pornography-impacts-kids/

http://life.familyeducation.com/internet-safety/sexuality/41620.html

He ends the article with this (and I agree with him):

Like many parents, I fear that my boy's childhood could be taken away by pornography. So we have to fight back.

We need to get tech-savvy, and as toe-curling as it seems, we are the first generation that will have to talk to our children about porn.

We have to tell our kids that pornographic sex is fake and real sex is about love, not lust.

By talking to them, they stand a chance. If we stick our head in the sand, we are fooling only ourselves. 

Nearing the end of Month 1

We are nearing the end of the first month.
I hear a lot of, " When is the end of the month?", "When do we get to spend our money?"
But, that is okay, because every morning my two older boys wake up, make their beds, and continue to keep their floor absolutely clear. I love it. I do not have to nag them, or remind them. Luke, who is 3, is hit and miss. His big brother has stopped making his bed for him, and always reminds him...but Luke is in charge, and will not be told what to do. HAHAHAHA! So stubborn, just like his mom.
I can't wait for the cash in on Sept 30th...which will also be our next family council meeting where we release the news that in October they get to make one meal a week from beginning to end.

Week 2

Overall the experiment is going well. Week 2 complete, and the boys are thinking about how they will spend their money at the end of the month. I find that Luke is still too young to grasp the concept of making a bed, and still needs some encouragement. Mom did well at not reminding them, but I still feel the urge to talk to them the night before. I have been doing that for so many years, it is hard to break the habit. I just have to remember the wonderful surprise it is to see them do it themselves, and to know I trust them and have faith that they can do it on their own. I also like the feeling that no matter if they make their bed or not, I love them, and I do not have to nag them...if they want the coins, they make the bed...simple as that. If they don't, I don't give them a hard time, I don't put them down, and I don't yell. They have more control, and I am beginning to have more peace.
More good news: Mom has not missed a workout, and so I still have my 30 coins. Yippee!

School lunches revised

So, after a week of trying out our school lunch bins...we found that the boys will never choose a fruit or vegetable when given the choice. Hence, our revision. Now, we have three bins. One for dairy/meat, one for fruit and vegetables, and one for snacks (crackers, seaweed, pudding, fruit cups, etc). They can take up to two from each bin to help balance out those lunches.
Parenting has to be flexible. You have to be willing to go through the trial and error each day to find what works best for your family.
What do you do for school lunches?

Change up the morning workout

I totally love the bodyrock.tv and am grateful for their free motivational workouts... but I am getting tired of watching Lisa's body. I liked her better before the breast enhancement, I really did. For small breasted women, like myself, I prefer to see someone love their body for what it is...rather than change it to impress someone else. Sorry Lisa..you still rock...but I have to change up my workout routine.
So..enough said...now when it is raining..since I don't have a treadmill...I put in Supreme 90 DVD's and get the workout done. In fact...after doing the same 10 DVDs so much..I don't even have to look up, I just concentrate on the workout, and feeling better about myself.
It is a great 10 disc set, that Scott found (very similar to P90X...but way cheaper!). You know us...Frugal Friesen Family. And, I can do it when and where I want to..though it is usually at 6am, before the kids wake, up, and just before Scott leaves for work. Yes, it is possible to fit in the things you want...you just can't be lazy (even when I want to stay in bed...I know the workout will never happen, no matter how many times I say to myself, I will do it later...it won't)

Week 1

Week 1 

Last night... before bed, the kids all had stuff on their floor. It was so difficult for me to walk over it to say good night, and not to say anything about clean up. I just held my tongue and pretended like I did not see it. I thought for sure it would be there in the morning when I checked. My boys surprised me. When I woke up (yes, I got to sleep in until 8am this morning! Thanks Scott!)...I went directly to their rooms, and all beds were made, and all floors were clean. No joke. I was shocked. I came down the stairs, Scott and I looked at each other...thinking...he/she must have reminded them...but NO, neither of us said a thing. SUCCESS.
And, Tyler did not complain about cleaning the floor himself...he even made Luke's bed for him. What a sweetheart!

Lessons Learned:

I have seen a change in the relationship between Tyler and Luke (who share a room). They are playing much better together, and helping each other. It is true that when you serve someone, you start to love them more.

Mom has learned to keep her mouth shut. They have proven that they understand and don't need to be treated like babies. No reminding. Talk less, and they will learn more.

Don't make a big deal out of taking coins. When Zach asked me if I had taken a coin for a container left on the floor, I said yes. He replied that it wasn't fair, and he didn't know it counted. I responded that it was on the floor. He went and picked it up, and asked if he could have the coin back. I said no. He did not melt down...he understood the rules, and I stayed consistent. He did not leave anything on the floor for the rest of the week!

Our 6 Month Plan for the Experiment

Many people have asked me what our plan is...and yes..knowing us, there is a plan.

Here it is:

September - Keep bedroom clean.
Beds made and floor clean/clear every morning. They lose one coin for an incomplete day.
October - Meal Planning. 
Each kid gets one day a week. They get to plan dinner, shop for the food, make it and clean up everything afterwards. My boys already love the kitchen, so this one is going to be a winner. They will lose 5 coins for an incomplete day.
November - Laundry.
Each kid picks a day to do their own laundry. The boys that share a room can do it together! It is going to be exciting teaching them to use the machines. They will lose 5 coins for an incomplete day.
December - Service with a Smile. 
We are going to think of as many ways possible to serve others, and do it with a cheerful heart.
January - Toilets and Home Repair. 
This will be our month of Saturday helpers. They get to fix things, clean bathrooms, and generally hang with Dad, making trips to Home Depot.
February - Party Planning and Manners
We want to teach them time management, etiquette/manners and proper planning. Each kid gets to host a party. They will have a budget, pick a day and time, and do everything from invitations to refreshments and thank you gifts!

Kay's list is 12 months long, and has more tasks..that I either left out, or combined, knowing it would be easier to keep them on task. For a reward at the end of February (if everything goes smoothly), they get to plan our Spring Break Holiday (that will be the working together part).

Each month they will get 30 coins in their jar...but it is going to get harder to keep the 30 coins each month...with rooms, meals and laundry. Wow...this is really going to be a challenge, but I know they can do it!

Mom joins the Experiment

The boys think they have it figured out. I am a stay at home Mom, and they are wondering now that they are doing all the work, what is left for me? RIGHT....they are doing all the work...they have no idea! This experiment is going to be awesome.

So, Mom decided to join the experiment too. My first challenge is to exercise everyday for 30 days. I have a coin jar too, and I am accountable to them each night. If I don't exercise, they take a coin from me.

This will help me towards my goals, and keep the kids happy. Now they have more control and feel like we are all working on something together.

(No, I did not lecture them on how much I already do..and continue to do for them everyday).

Sometimes the posts on facebook are awesome..and I was so glad to view this one:

If you're a teenage girl
 http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/

Love, love, love this post...by a mom with three teenage sons (and one girl!). I agreed with her totally..and want the same thing for my three boys. I am going to take her advice and make our accounts link..so that whatever is sent to them...is sent to the whole family. Nice way to keep in touch, and to keep things clean and appropriate in this new world. The best part is that she encourages the girls to keep their standards high...because this is what her boys are looking for.

No reminding!

It has been a few days, and I here is what is sounds like at our house...I can't help it.

Night before, Jenny says, "Don't forget to clean up", "Opps, there are some things on your floor...remember to clean it up, or Mom will take a coin", "I see a few things on the floor, better make sure those are picked up before tomorrow"

In the morning, Jenny says, "I hope everyone made their beds", "I am going to check today once you are in school, I hope you get to keep all your coins", "Luke (my 3 year old), do you need help to get your bed made?", "Okay, we are heading to school..last chance to check your rooms"

Yikes

Scott gently reminded me that part of it being an EXPERIMENT, is for us to back of completely, and see if they can do it ALONE. The best way for them to learn, is to say NOTHING, and let them realize at the end of the month, once they count their coins. Also, how proud do you think they will be when they keep all 30 coins, and did  not need any prodding from Mom? And how much better will they do the job the month after they lose a few coins?

Let's try again...this time...NO REMINDING. I am keeping my mouth shut.

School lunches...do it yourself!

As we begin the EXPERIMENT to get rid of youth entitlement in our home, the topic of school lunches came up. I have been in control every day since they started school. Sad, I know. It was just easier to do it all the night before, and then hand them as they went to the van. Ouch. I have really been taking away some great opportunities for learning.

Question is: Can they do it all by themselves? Should I expect that of them? In what way can I make it easier for everyone, and still have the kids be a part of packing themselves a healthy and balanced lunch everyday?

So, like always...we did a bit of research. 

There are tons of ideas, but knowing me...it had to be truly organized to work. Here is the best one in my books...we will see if it works!

There will be one see bin in the fridge (keep cold items), and one in the cupboard.

Every Saturday, we will shop for the lunch items (or at least they help me make the list, and I shop alone...oh how I love grocery shopping alone!). Then we cut them up..or make them (like hummus)...put them in bags and small containers, and then have them ready for Monday morning.

All they have to do it pick two from each bin and put it in their lunch bag each morning.

Sandwiches are tricky....but who says they need a sandwich everyday? Besides, that is easy to put together in the morning, when breakfast is being made. They already know how to make a sandwich, and they said I could help with the spreading. If they want something hot, they can help me make it in the morning...or we can heat up leftovers and put them in a keep hot container.

Here are our favorites..but there are tons of great lunch ideas out there.

Fridge Bin Ideas

Cut up veggies (carrots, peppers, celery), veggie dip, hummus, yogurt pots, yogurt drinks, cheese sticks and grapes, hard boiled egg, sliced meat, pasta salad and pickles. All other fruit in whole form (apple, orange, banana), they can grab from the fridge.

Cupboard Bin Ideas

Pudding, Fruit cups, Applesauce, granola bars (nut free of course), bear paws, fruit snacks, roasted seaweed, graham crackers, pretzels, beef jerky, raisins, sunflower seeds, muffins, mini bagels, pepperoni sitcks, and crackers. 

Kay Wills Wyma...the outline of her 12 month experiment

This is the basic outline to her 12 month experiment....from her book.
These are the things she wants her kids to know and to be able to do by themselves when they leave her home. She introduced one a month for a year. The book is a great read. She is honest about her experiment outcomes, and her stories are hilarious. She makes me feel like we can do this too, and after reading her book, I know it is the right thing to do for my kids.

• Clutter Control (Bedrooms clean)
• Kitchen (Meal Planning)
• Outdoors (yard work, and planting)
• Working for Money (Part time jobs)
• Dirty Jobs (Bathroom)
• Laundry
• Home Repair
• Party Planning
• Working Together
• Errands
• Service with a Smile
• Manners